There once was a time when political beliefs didn’t necessarily have a significant effect on relationships. We could be on opposite sides of the political aisle and still love each other.
However, with the polarized landscape that's developed in the last decade, separating relationships and politics has become increasingly difficult. The 24-hour news cycle and social media chatter constantly put a spotlight on political conflicts don’t help. And relationships are suffering for it. In fact, according to Wakefield Research, 11% of Americans have ended a relationship because of political differences—and for millennials, that number jumps to 22%.
Given that 23% of married couples belong to different political parties, politics clearly influences many relationships. It seeps not only into our social media feeds but also into our daily lives, with serious effects on modern marriages.
The Cost of a Politically-Divided Union
Unfortunately, political ideologies aren’t necessarily confined to the voting booth. In a marriage, these differences can lead to conflict over how a couple handles money, investments, and financial risk. Since a big part of what differentiates political parties is how they see money, it's not surprising that couples with opposing beliefs view money differently in multiple ways:
- Investments. While Democrats and Republicans alike invest their money, where they invest it can cause conflicts. Republicans are more likely to invest in equities and defense sector funds, while Democrats tend to put their money in ESG portfolios and sustainable energy stocks.
- Budgeting. A household budget can become a battleground when tensions run high over politics and partners’ views on the health of the economy, driven by political fear or optimism. One partner may be optimistic about the couple's finances, which appears reckless. On the other hand, the partner who is more cautious with the family funds seems controlling.
- Charitable giving. Donating to a charity should be a feel-good activity, but when political philosophies influence how couples give, their beloved causes can lead to conflict. Since charitable giving can be ideologically driven, partners may be at odds over which groups to support.
The Daily Ripple Effects of Political Discord
When partners’ political beliefs are on opposite ends of the spectrum, the divide can also create significant gaps in their daily lives. This can manifest itself as:
- Arguments. Arguments are common in marriage, but political arguments can be especially heated. Partners often feel responsible for defending their entire party and belief system, which makes interactions more combative. Combine this with a steady diet of media messages about how bad people on the other side are, and politics can become personal very quickly, leading to explosive fights in a marriage.
- Disrespect. The political rhetoric people are exposed to every day can lead them to view their partner as an enemy because of their beliefs. This can devolve into disrespect, with people resorting to mockery, moralizing, and keeping score. They no longer see their spouse as the person they love, but rather a representation of the side they hate.
- Tense gatherings. Get-togethers in a politically-charged environment become less about having a good time and more about opposing teams fighting. If you and your spouse wear opposing uniforms, friends and family might unwittingly pit you against each other in the battle.
- Social pressure. In this increasingly divisive political climate, being on the wrong side can lead to significant social pressure. As a result, one spouse may feel compelled to convert the other to the “right” side. Sometimes friends and family even encourage someone to leave their spouse altogether because of the differences in political ideologies.
- Parenting conflicts. Since today's political climate has made dissimilar values seem like moral failings, it can be particularly hard for couples to agree on how to raise their children. This can further highlight that you hold different political beliefs from your partner, widening the divide between you.
Diffusing Political Landmines to Encourage Harmony
With the country’s constant emphasis on politics these days, it can feel like disagreements with your partner are insurmountable. But they don't have to be. There are strategies you can use to prevent politics from getting in between you and your spouse.
- Focus on what matters. Political beliefs have their place, but they don't have to be a priority in your marriage. In fact, when you prioritize your relationship over politics, you're more likely to handle disagreements in a healthy way. Focus on the areas where you and your partner agree and the foundation you’ve built throughout your relationship. You came together for a reason. Don't lose sight of it.
- Discover areas of compromise. It's okay to agree to disagree about political issues. Some discussions aren’t necessary. Work together to decide which topics are worth discussing and which should be avoided. This can be a good exercise in realizing that there is more common ground than you think.
- Try to understand each other. The more you and your partner recognize the underlying reasons for your opinions, the more you can empathize with each other. You may find that your partner developed certain opinions because of past experiences that shaped their viewpoint. This can be a great opportunity to learn something new about each other and strengthen your bond.
-
Foster healthy communication. Create a space in your marriage where you and your partner discuss views without judgment. This safety fosters open dialogue that lowers the temperature on otherwise hot topics.
Also, metacommunication helps defuse conflicts in the relationship. Couples can talk about how they communicate to create guardrails for their interactions. They can hash out things like the tone they should use when discussing certain issues, as well as the timing.
- Seek professional help if necessary. Partners who have tried to settle their differences on their own might find that they need a neutral third party to help find common ground. A counselor can help you get to the root of your disagreements and implement strategies for healthier communication. In addition, a therapist may help you overcome the overall political anxiety that has fomented. (Here are some options for New Yorkers: Westchester County, Manhattan, Nassau County).
In addition to therapy, joining support groups can be helpful. This will give you a space to share your experiences with other people who understand what you're going through.
Will Politics Be the End of Marriages?
Only time will tell if the current political landscape will lead to more divorces. However, the signs are there that it’s a possibility. For example, after the 2016 and 2020 elections, there were increased searches on Google for “divorce attorney near me.” In addition, no-fault divorce has come under fire in some states, which may cause people to rush to divorce court to get out of their marriages before any possible legislative action is taken.
However, while some couples find their political differences insurmountable, others decide that intimacy is more important than ideology. In the face of political turmoil, empathy, negotiation, and shared purpose can strengthen bonds that make love win—no matter what happens in the voting booth.